The ‘Lost’ Years
I’ve always been a big talker, full of great ideas and loads of energy. I was great at drama at school, but I could never sit still or focus on my work. I’m a constant pacer and while people like being around me and seem to enjoy my “walking banter,” I started to find it harder to banter my way through life and still be successful.
My main problem was sticking at things and finishing them. I did manage to complete a course in journalism and did well off the back of a few good opportunities, but the down time between big stories was hard to manage. Making a successful career of it became a struggle. During that time I developed unhealthy dependencies on alcohol and weed and spent countless hours playing video games. Relationships didn’t last because I forgot arrangements, turned up late and never had money to go out.
By the age of 35 I was broke, my career was dwindling and I felt like a failure. I desperately wanted love and a family, but everything always seemed to go wrong. My family didn’t understand me, and looking back, I realise I didn’t understand myself either.
The ADHD Clues
I did okay in school, but looking back there were definite signs that I did things differently to the other kids. My grades were always ‘ok,’ so no one paid attention.. I spent a lot of time in detention for not doing my homework, talking in class, forgetting PE kit, losing my tie and being the one who “took it too far” with the lads in the playground.
Sometimes though, I could be brilliant. When something really interested me, I produced incredible results.. That almost made it harder for teachers to understand me — it made no sense to them that I was smart but never consistent. This carried on into adulthood: leaving tasks unfinished, missing deadlines, forgetting to pay bills, constant money issues, yet being able to write great articles when motivated. I behaved inconsistently and unreliably, and my whole family felt confused about why I couldn’t just “get it together.”
An ADHD Diagnosis
When I met my now wife, she told me she had been diagnosed with ADHD and shared some articles with me. The symptoms read like a biography of my life. I went to my GP, realised I’d be waiting a long time for an NHS assessment and booked a private one. Within a couple of weeks, I received a conclusive diagnosis of Combined Type ADHD.
The relief was overwhelming. For the first time, I had an explanation for why I am the way I am. I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t a failure. Having ADHD finally explained everything.
Rebuilding with Compassion
Following my diagnosis, I started to understand how my brain works and how to work with it rather than against it. I learnt that the “typical” way of doing things doesn’t always work for me, so I developed strategies to manage this. For example, I work better later at night, so this is now when I do most of my writing instead of forcing myself into a 9–5 routine.
Breaking tasks down into smaller steps helped, and I never write a to‑do list with more than three things on it. I stopped trying to force myself into rigid schedules and allowed myself to be flexible with my day. After reading that exercise is good for ADHD, I started running in the morning. Over time I became more patient with myself, stopped calling myself lazy and began to believe in myself more.
Joining online communities of adults with ADHD made me feel seen and understood. I wasn’t alone. There were thousands of others like me — smart, capable, creative people who had spent years wondering why everyone else seemed to be winning at life while we struggled to keep up.
Meeting my wife and learning about ADHD changed my life. She really understands me (and it helped that I finally understand myself). We have a loving relationship, and I’m proud to be a step‑father to two fantastic kids. My career has gone from strength to strength. I decided to go freelance, which allows me to focus on things I’m interested in and work when I’m most motivated. These days I no longer smoke weed and alcohol is saved for special occasions. Gaming is still something I enjoy, but now it’s in moderation.
What I Wish I Knew Sooner
I wish I’d known that ADHD isn’t just high energy, hyperactivity and acting without thinking. Sometimes it looks like missed deadlines, broken relationships and losing your wallet for the fifth time that month.
I wish I’d known that I don’t have to change myself to fit in with others and that it’s ok to do things differently if it works for me. There are moments when I feel sad about the years I lost not knowing myself properly, but I’m grateful for the life I have now and recognise that some of my successes have happened because of my ADHD brain.
I wish I’d known how to play to my strengths. I’m still not super organised, I’m not detail‑orientated and planning the family holiday is still tricky for me. BUT I’m great at thinking outside the box, my energy and banter help people warm to me easily and I’m always curious — a great skill for a journalist.
I now know I just needed to live authentically, embrace my differences and be kind to myself. ADHD isn’t a fairytale every day, but by accepting myself as I am, I’ve rebuilt my life slowly, intentionally and with compassion.
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